


God of Impending Dungeons

by AntiMeep



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types
Genre: Bored Deity, Dungeons & Dragons Campaign, Fluff and Crack, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Other, Screwing with the Timeline
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-12
Updated: 2019-07-15
Packaged: 2020-03-01 15:47:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18803401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AntiMeep/pseuds/AntiMeep
Summary: Moros, God of Impending Doom, most powerful among the Greek children of Chaos, he who's word is law... is bored OUT. OF. HIS. MIND. Plucking four ever so lucky minio- heroes! Toootally not minions, nope, nope, definitely heroes. Four heroes are plucked up to join the amazing, the wonderful, the awe-inspiring DnD night! So buckle up and roll for initiative!





	1. Chapter 1

Yancy Academy was its own special slice of Hell in Percy’s informed opinion. Those incidents with the cannon and the shark tank and the- well anyways they hadn’t even _really_ been his fault. Honest! But now he was a ‘troubled kid’ sent to a school for others who were supposedly just like him. More like it was mostly rich idiots that had produce rich idiot brats that acted out, and thus were shipped off to have their behavior corrected by others since their parents couldn’t be bothered to correct it themselves. The one nice thing about this place was Grover. But he was often shadowed by his ‘over-protective cousin’ Clarisse. Percy was still trying to figure out how the two could possibly be related. They looked nothing alike. But as his mother was married to a giant cockroach he didn’t really have room to question family dynamics.

Clarisse had been almost as bad as Nancy at first. But a few weeks back that had changed. He’d been on the way to class one day, and he’d caught some of the Barbie wannabes deciding that because Clarisse wasn’t attempting to imitate a plastic toy with her appearance that she was a target. Now Percy didn’t like Clarisse much. But he hated bullies more.

“Wow Clarisse, what you do, steal their boyfriends?” His words had the tormentors whipping their heads around at him. “I see they _are_ taking lessons from the Exorcist. Their boyfriends were wise to trade up.” The girls had approached him, looking like rabid lionesses. Percy had kept his hands in his pockets, one gripping his smuggled knife. Just in case. “Oh hello, Mr. Brunner.” The airheads hadn’t even turned to see the fact there was no actual teacher there. They had simply fled quickly spouting excuses as they did so. Clarisse eyed him.

“I could’ve handled that myself,” she grumbled.

“Yes, I realize you could have folded them into a pretzel, but I think Grover would prefer his cousin not be expelled. You’re welcome by the way.” After that they’d reached at least a neutral ground of sorts. Clarisse no longer glared at him so much anyways.

And then there were the di Angelo siblings. Percy didn’t have much interaction with Bianca. They had no classes together and separate lunch periods. But poor Nico was own stuck with the chaos that followed in Percy and Grover’s wake. And that wasn’t even bringing in the chaos Clarisse caused by being herself in the nearby vicinity. Then there was Nico’s love of Mythomagic game, and the ever-growing collection of cards and figurines. Which meant Nico had a nice target painted on his back. And Nico had this sort of lost puppy look to him and Percy couldn’t just leave the poor kid to suffer isolation. So plus one adopted minion.

Then the day of the field trip had come around. The museum trip had started out alright, and then Nancy had dumped her food into Grover’s lap. Percy wasn’t entirely sure what happened next, only Nancy ended up in the fountain and he hadn’t touched her despite her claims. But Mrs. Dodds wasn’t exactly the investigative type and had called him out. Likely to make him buy Nancy a new shirt or something.

“Um…Mrs. Dodds…the gift store was back there.” Percy felt a stone sinking into his gut as she led him further and further into the museum. She didn’t answer, just kept walking until they were in the back-most room, no cameras or people in sight. “You gonna answer me?” he frowned at being ignored continuously.

“Did you really think we’d let you get away with it?” her voice was sharp, like a knife over stone. Nervously, his hand twitched towards his jacket where he kept his own blade stashed in a hidden pocket.

“Get away with what?” something told him she _wasn’t_ talking about his candy stash he had been selling from his dorm.

“This is your last chance. Tell the truth and you’ll suffer far less.” Dodds hissed, taking a predatory step towards him.

“It would help if you would stop playing the pronoun game.” He snarked, hand slowly moving towards his hidden pocket.

“Die sonny!” she lunged onto to let out a yell as a half eaten apple slammed into her nose, “Son of a-!”

Glancing over his shoulder, ripping out his knife as he saw Clarisse running over, Grover and Nico panicking like chickens with their heads cut off, and Mr. Brunner wheeling his way over in the distance. “Duck Prissy!” Clarisse pulled out a small steel baton and threw it. Some the fuck how it became a spear in midair.

Yelping in a _very_ manly fashion, Percy threw himself to the ground, every hair on his body standing up as the spear threw overhead. A loud whip crack filled the air before he heard the spear clattering against the floor before he even had a chance to get up or turn around. “What ho Percy!” a throw from Mr. Brunner sent a simple pen flying through the air and clicking off his forehead.

“Ow!” he snapped, rubbing his forehead as his brain struggled to keep up with everything that was going on. Back over at the entrance, he saw Nico and Grover desperately looking for anything they can use. Grover pulls out a soda can from the garbage that Nico quickly throws, the aluminum beaning Dodds in the side of the head as she turns her head slowly in their direction.

“He did it!” they shout in tandem, pointing at each other… until she cracked a whip and they started running around like chickens with their heads cut off.

“Seriously?!” Percy snapped at that.

“Stop complaining and fight damn it!” Clarisse yelled, hauling Percy to his feet as she ran for her spear.

“With what?!” Percy snapped, leaping to the side to avoid getting hit in the balls with a barbed whip, “You want me to draw a mustache on her or something?” as he sarcastically clicked the pen it unfolded and expanded into a leaf blade sword. A moment later it seemed to blur before becoming a pair of blades somewhere between daggers and short swords that felt much more comfortable to his hands.

Apparently, he had spent too much time gaping because Clarisse had to tackle him away from another whip strike as Grover and Nico continued to panic, “Stop gawking and get stabby!”

“Right!” Percy charged Mrs. Dodds on her right while Clarisse went left. She had one whip and two targets. Mrs. Dodds ever so rudely decided Clarisse was the bigger threat and whipped towards her. With her looking away from him Percy grinned and shot forward, leaping onto Dodds back. “Yipe!” wings bursting out of her back sent him flying into a wall.

“Damnit Jackson, you had one job!” Clarisse threw her spear only for Dodds to bat it aside again.

“Stop throwing away your jabbing stick!” Percy snapped…only to do the same thing and throw one of his two knives. Dodds ducked and it embedded in a wall. A moment later it vanished only to reappear in his hand. “Sweet!” he threw both…only for them to stay where they were. “Shit!” Percy panicked and ran away with Dodds chasing him and Clarisse chasing her “Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit!”

A whip crack on his ass and matching yelp, he dove and grabbed his knives. “Nobody touches my ass and lives!” Percy snarled as he turned to run _at_ the surprised Mrs. Dodds the bat beast from the black lagoon.

“Nobody wants to!” Clarisse cackled as picked up her speed. Giving a yell, Percy dropped to his knees and slid, his knives slashing her legs as Clarisse leapt and jabbed her spear through Dodds’ chest. The math teacher from hell dissolved into a pile of sand and without her there to hold Clarisse up, Grover’s cousin fell on top of him.

“…Oooooow.” Percy wheezed out. 

*/*/*

Charon frowned as he studied the four young ones in the room. This wasn’t how things were supposed to go, this wasn’t _close_ to how things were supposed to go. He hated when things fell apart. He had to mitigate this, try to get everything back on track to ease young Mr. Jackson into their world. Mr. Underwood would keep to the story as ordered, that wasn’t an issue. Ms. Larue on the other hand tended to be… temperamental. Not to mention the unexpected can of worms that had been finding the di Angelo siblings. Time to try and bullshit the situation and get the pen back. He had barely moved his wheelchair forward an inch before the four vanished in a flash of light. “Gamó!”

*/*/*

The four kids blinked in unison at their new surroundings. They were in a large room with a single lonely throne, which was currently occupied by a giant man. Percy was beginning to think this day couldn’t possibly get any weirder. Especially considering that the giant was dressed like a punk biker complete with a long black ponytail, leather jacket, and assorted jewelry. It did not help matters that the giant’s eyes were such an impossibly pale blue that he almost looked blind. “Hello new minions,” the giant greeted. Clarisse of course responds by launching her spear at the forehead of the giant. The spear froze midair. As did Percy’s two new knives that she snatched out of his hands. “Now that wasn’t very nice.” Giant’s gaze went to the floating knives. “Ah, Riptide. It’s been awhile since I’ve seen you.” One massive hand reached up with a spin Percy’s twin knives became a large war hammer. Another spin and Riptide was a pen again, which pegged Clarisse in the forehead. “Did you really think that would work? Honestly. But you _are_ level one, so I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised.”

It was Nico who raised his hand, which was answered with a raised eyebrow. “Uhh… who exactly are you?”

“How rude of me. Allow me to introduce myself. I am Moros, god of Impending Doom.”

“Level one?” Percy blamed his ADD for the question.

“I was getting to that. Don’t interrupt. I swear, children of Poseidon are always so impulsive. Especially the demigods.” The supposed god muttered to himself before continuing “You four are now my minions, and you may consider me your new Dungeon Master.”

“Poseidon? Demigod?!” Percy was officially going insane. He was dreaming and going to wake up and this was all going to be a bizarre nightmare. Because normal objects were turning into weapons, his math teacher had turned into dust, and now he was talking to a giant biker dude that was telling him his father was the Greek god of the sea.

“Earthshaker, Stormbringer, Father of Horses, yadda yadda,” Moros waved his hand flippantly, “those three are so dramatic with their titles. I mean your friend there is a son of Hades. Lord of the Underworld, god of wealth, king of the souls of the dead, etcetera etcetera.”

“WHAT?!” Nico was sputtering.

“Sweet Maker have mercy. Do my family tell none of their children anything?” Moros facepalmed.

“… was that a Dragon Age reference?” Nico again, followed quickly by “Did you say Dungeon Master?”

“Yes. My sisters had this whole thief of Zeus’ master bolt thing planned. Buuuuut… meh. I feel like meddling with this timeline. And yes, let’s get this out of the way. I see different timelines. Trust me, they get weird, and no I will not tell you about them. Oh! I almost forgot! Your reward for your first mini-boss.” Moros snapped his fingers and a D20 appeared before them.

“What’s that supposed to do?” Clarisse kicked it, sending it rolling. It landed on a one. A single harmless stone came falling from the sky, bonking her in the head. “Ow!”

“Well that was a critical fail. And you rolled it with no enemy around. Congratulations, you wasted your once-a-day roll of the Doom Dice. It is a die infused with my power to inflict the curse of Doom on anyone or anything. Once per day. Limitations and all that.” Moros was amused at her, if his grin was anything to go by.

“What’s a twenty do?!” Nico was hopping excitedly, picking the die up like it was a precious treasure.

“That’s a surprise. Maybe I’ll tell you after you finish your first quest. Your goal my minions is to get to camp Half-Blood. Survive. Have fun!” A flash of light and the group were all back in the museum.

“Did that just happen?” Percy questioned.

“Welcome to the world of being a demigod, Prissy. We can talk about you being a kid of the Big Three later.” Clarisse slapped his back a little too roughly.

“The most powerful god in Greek existence just turned us into his D&D party,” Grover finally managed to squeak.

 */*/*

**Omake – The Truth**

“Alright. I demand to know what all this demigod business is about!” Percy did his best intimidating stare.

“You’re right Prissy, you should hear the truth.” Clarisse came over and sling her arm around his shoulder. “You see, the Greek gods exist. And when a god gets very horny and sees a mortal with a nice ass…”

“Lalalalalalalala!” Percy covered his ears while Nico snickered at his misfortune.

“Don’t laugh runt! Your mom was so good your dad came back for seconds!”

“LALALALALALALALALALA!” the duo chorused with the loud echo of Mr. Brunner’s face palm echoing behind them.

 


	2. Chapter 2

If Moros had been entirely honest with his new minio- heroes, he would have told them he’d already been messing with their reality. The DiAngelo siblings were supposed to still be locked away in that hotel and Clarisse at the camp. But a nudge here, a butterfly flapping its wings there and tada! One convenient gathering of minions.

Heroes. 

Of course, the Fates were very displeased with him currently. They were going on and on about their Big Prophecy and the Lightning Thief. Ugh. No thank you! This was _his_ campaign damn it! Moros would construct it as he pleased! Now where to start… Had to get the hero-minions all leveled up and such. After all, he had big plans for them. But those plans would have to wait until it wouldn’t certainly result in a TPK. Though, thinking of death, Moros reminded himself he should probably inform Hades the two munchkins had been released from hotel imprisonment. Might have forgotten to mention that earlier. Oops. Focus Moros! Starting point! Well, first he’d have to figure out how to properly erase the whole Thief thing and the Big Prophecy most certainly had to go if he wanted complete freedom. Blargh. So much work. Well a side quest to return the bolt wouldn’t derail the campaign he supposed. But save that for a bit. He’d have to chat with Apollo. Had to remind himself exactly which Prophecies were currently active. Seeing all the timelines tended to get confusing. Once that was done, Moros would address a nice counter to the any and all Prophecies involving his minion-heroes and be free to send them through his carefully constructed campaign. He just couldn’t wait to see their faces at his final boss!

*/*/*

Sally Jackson had offered to drive the group, but they’d declined. Or rather Clarisse had, saying that now that they had two newly aware demigods there would be tons of monsters and the bus wasn’t that expensive anyways. Plus, they still had to backtrack and go collect Bianca before they could go anyways Ms. Jackson, don’t worry about it! Percy, still half thinking he was insane, decided it was best not to argue against that logic. He was still learning the rules of this ‘game’ after all. Grover had yet to stop talking about being forced into a real-life D&D campaign for a supposed god, and that combined with the fact Percy’s best friend apparently had goat legs was giving Percy a real nasty headache. So, he was in a foul mood, one that seemed to be echoed by any nearby water source, as the group went via bus to wherever he was being kidnapped to. It was only his mother’s apparent understanding that had Percy this cooperative. “Prissy. You being a moody primadonna is creating whitewater in ponds. Stop it. The Mist can’t hide _everything_ you know,” Clarisse bonked his head, albeit lightly. For her anyways. “But I guess we should be glad mini-spook over there is taking this much better.” Percy looked over to see Nico with his face excitedly pressed against a window, the confused but not protesting Bianca beside him. “That way we’re not having to be Ghostbusters as well as dealing with mortals noticing the fact normally quite ponds are raging like the fucking Niagara Falls. So, knock it off.”

“I have been literally thrown into a world where everything is making me question my sanity. I am _sorry_ if that is making me a bit on the unhappy side,” Percy breathed in deeply through his nose. A few more measured breaths and the water here and there seen through the bus windows calmed to its normal state. “But I suppose things could be worse. I demand more detailed information when we get to wherever we’re going though.”

“Yeah, yeah. You’ll get it. But knowing too much now would turn you and the vampire bats into homing beacons. Nobody wants that. I mean just having me is risky enough.” Clarisse glanced over at the di Angelo siblings. “Still, I really should have guess who the father was for those two. I mean Nico’s nerdiness practically screams it.”

“Heh?”

“Hades created most cryptids.”

“HEH?!”

“Yeah, that’s the usual reaction to that information.”

*/*/*

The last bus stop was still a ways away from their final destination. “Where to next?” Nico bounced excitedly.

“We’ve got three choices of how to get there. Walk a few miles, we make a call to them and hope someone is willing to pick us up, or we call the Gray Sister’s Taxi,” Grover informed. “As I like living, I vote we do _not_ take the Taxi.”

“I got a drachma; we’ll send and Iris message to Argus.” Clarisse rummaged in her pocket to produce an odd coin. “Now we just need a rainbow.”

“A… rainbow? You know what, I’m just not going to question it,” Percy rubbed his temples “Let’s see if there’s a hose somewhere.” One search later revealed one of the very sketchy car washes that seemed to be everywhere, despite no one ever seeming to go to them. Kinda like Monster Doughnuts, though the doughnuts attracted significantly more business. A few quarters and they had a hose spraying into the air, creating a bootleg rainbow. Clarisse tossed a coin into it saying, “Lady Iris, goddess of rainbows, I would like to speak with Argus at Camp Half Blood.” The rainbow shifted and shimmered, changing to reveal a face that had waaaaaaaaay too many eyes. At this point Percy was done. No more reactions from him, no sir. Clarisse spoke up, “Hey, Argus. We got some new meat for the Camp. Mind picking us up at the nearest bus station?”

The too many eyed being, apparently named Argus, moved his hands rapidly. Percy, unfamiliar with sign language, hadn’t the faintest idea what was being said. And just like that the image disappeared and the rainbow was just a rainbow again.

“Now we wait,” Clarisse, who had no such issue, dragged the group back to the bus stop then thumped down into a seat. With nothing else to do the rest of the group sat here and there. Percy found himself playing against Nico in a Mythomagic game. Not knowing anything about this game, Percy was getting his butt handed to him, but it was nice to do something to keep his mind busy. Finally, a van came rolling up to the bus stop. Percy figured this was their ride when Grover and Clarisse started loading their things into the vehicle. Soon enough the entire group were riding along a road that seemed to stretch trough miles and miles of countryside. Percy was steadily not staring at the to many eyeballs their driver possessed. Nico looked like he was having to keep himself from blurting out question after question, and Bianca just looked nauseous at the sight. Eventually they were driving through strawberry fields and pulling through a gate that read ‘Camp Half-Blood’. It took Percy a moment to realize that the words had been in ancient Greek. Just another thing to add on to this craziness.

Then bus pulled to a stop to let them out, their driver signing something at them. “He says ‘Welcome to Camp Half-Blood.” Clarisse translates without even a pause, apparently more than used to sign language from the guy covered in eyes. Stepping out of the bus, they watched it drive away somewhere deeper in the camp as they got to look around. The valley stretched out for miles, the forest looking more ancient than anything most of the group had ever seen in the city, and the water by the beach cleaner than any water near New York had a right to be. Wait… was that Mr. Bruner leaving a big house and wheeling over?

“Chiron, I got ‘em here.” Clarisse jerked her thumb at Percy and the DiAngelos. Apparently, Mr. Brunner had more than one name.

“I see that Miss LaRue.” Chiron comes to a stop, “How much do they know?”

“Nothing will ever phase me again.” Bianca said seriously, having had a bit of a freak out upon seeing the Iris message. And Argus. And seeing Percy manipulate water with his emotions. Now that Percy was thinking about it, it probably good Bianca didn’t meet Moros.

“Then I can finally get out of this chair,” Mr. Brunner smiled happily, rising from the chair as the blanket slid away to show he was wearing what looked like long white pajamas. Only he kept going. And going. And those weren’t pajamas. At all.

“…Horse.” Bianca gaped.

“Shall we start the tour?” Chiron grinned at the new campers.

“…Horse.”

“I think she’s surprised,” Percy ‘whispered’ to the others. 


End file.
